On a day when more things annoyed me than usual last week, I put together this little list of the very real horrors I endure in my life. There’s 29 of them so it must have been a bad day, pretty sure at least ten of them were before 10am. Some are tongue in cheek, some are serious, but all very true.

Also I have nothing else to share for Halloween, can’t see myself doing a make up tutorial for my ice queen skull look this year (although I was pretty proud of it – check it out) and this fits because some of these are completely terrifying and give me heart palpitations. As usual with posts like this I wasn’t sure if I should share it, there’s some light hearted ones, but occasionally I go there with Weinstein, gender and even other people’s kids… hear me out, my pregnant friend says it’s fine she proof read. Happy Halloween!

Downright annoying

People who chew with their mouth open. I’m not emotionally equipped to deal with this ever.

The word ‘moist’.

Heavy breathers.

Celebrities

Taylor Swift and her incessant need for attention. Although she redeemed herself slightly with how she handled herself during her recent sexual assault court case.

Andy Murray. And his mother. All the time, no exceptions.

Trump. Especially his mouth when hes talking. Ickkkkkkkk

How so many people didn’t speak up for so long about Weinstein. I can’t get my head around it and I really have a lot of questions. How many woman could have been saved from it if they had? Why enter a hotel room in the first place if he opened the door in a bath robe? That in itself would have me running for the Hollywood Hills. Some things are more important than a career, even a million dollar red carpet Hollywood career.

Vanity

Running out of fake tan with one leg to go.

Smokers trying to cover the stale smell of smoke with perfume or aftershave. Waste of time and perfectly good scents because you still fucking stink.

Newcastle

The 2 seconds between Jeff Stelling saying ‘There’s been a goal at St James Park’ and finding out who for.

The gauntlet of annoying pop up novelty Christmas stores there are in Eldon Square.

The new car/bus lane system through Haymarket. Whoever dreamed that up must be the same idiot that plans roadworks on every road in the North East at the same time.

Animals

The increase of spiders with legs that can pick locks marching their way into our houses at present.

Hairless cats.

The currently unknown scene we will have to endure in the Blue Planet II series – I still haven’t got over the racer snakes from the last series or the baby penguin from Frozen Planet. I have a real concern over what poor creature will be traumatically sacrificed this time round.

Shopping

The annual trip to Primark for a Christmas jumper. I venture in once a year and I’m reminded every time why I avoid shopping there.

‘Out of stock’

The online world

Dropping your phone. Gut wrenching.

When you’re about to instagram and almost post the last photo in your camera roll – always a screenshot from the group chat.

‘Your feed can not be refreshed at this time.’ The fury this causes me.

Buckingham Palace trending. I’m not ready for the worst to happen to Queenie.

Kids (from a childless perspective)

When you meet new people and they talk at you for 4 hours without coming up for air under the (wrong) impression that you’re interested in their offspring you’ve never even met. There is no polite way of dealing with this situation, you just have to hope they’re socially aware that not everyone cares about little Horris and how many times he picked his nose today beyond a general exchange of pleasantries.

‘You don’t know what tired is until you’ve got kids’. My favourite, because childless people don’t get tired…

Being next to a baby on a flight. Feel a bit bad for this one. But I do get that rush of utter devastation and die inside when I realise I’m next to one. I’m all for adult only flights.

The notion of raising an actual human child as gender neutral. I’m just going to come out and say this, I think it’s wrong.

Food

The size reduction of Kit Kat Chunky’s.

Vegan bacon. It’s not bacon then is it.

Work

Going into the toilets at work to be met with some ghastly aroma, and having to yell that it wasn’t you if someone walks in right after you.

Sunday night fear. Absolute worst.

Sorry if this offends anyone it’s a bit of a ranty post, maybe it’s the dark nights and cold weather creeping in, but life’s not always rosy is it and occasionally some things just need to be said. People get offended about anything and everything these days, to a point where you end up questioning things you genuinely feel for fear of causing offence without even meaning to.

I’ll take myself off for a pumpkin spiced latte and light a cinnamon smelling Anthropologie candle (basic) and be back to autumn happy vibes in no time…

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